May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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