If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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