he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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