Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
