omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
