Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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