I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
