I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
