shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
