I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
