dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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