No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is not my ceiling
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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