Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
