i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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