there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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