M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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