Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
