Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
