Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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