just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
