i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
