Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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