yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
