Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
