There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
