I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
