Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
