theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
