Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
smell my finger.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
