It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
