So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
