ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
