this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
