hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
