i need an iv and a liver transplant
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
