I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just had sex bonerless
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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