There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
