yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
