I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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