I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
