we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
