I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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