I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
