apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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