i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
