i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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