I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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