Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
