Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
