I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
