omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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