I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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