Umm I'm too high to move.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
