Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
