AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
