I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
