So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
