butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
