I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
