I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
