Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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