so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
