Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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