it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
