i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
